Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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