I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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