Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
