my phone needs a breathalizer
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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