He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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