I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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