i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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