So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
