hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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