I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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