i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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