so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
