Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
