But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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