So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
