i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
