i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
