john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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