..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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