i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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