The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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