your parents love me but you hate me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.