I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.