this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you