Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal