Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.