I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
