I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.