Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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  (240): I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll. http://tfl.nu/r0xh
  Replies (18) Good night (828) Bad night (3501) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (665) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

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  (224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? http://tfl.nu/qu7s
  Replies (8) Good night (4414) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10444) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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  (631): Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick. http://tfl.nu/pj3f
  Replies (12) Good night (3844) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

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  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6584) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either

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  (503): since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either http://tfl.nu/9xmp
  Replies (11) Good night (2290) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (420): View more from

  I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.

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  (420): I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me. http://tfl.nu/1hem
  Replies (5) Good night (2822) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.

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  (603): whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card. http://tfl.nu/d7h9
  Replies (6) Good night (2557) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.

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  (469): Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved. http://tfl.nu/jqlw
  Replies (14) Good night (746) Bad night (2654) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.

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  (801): First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all. http://tfl.nu/rs17
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.

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  (234): Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night. http://tfl.nu/5j4g
  Replies (3) Good night (1029) Bad night (254)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities

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  (618): You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities http://tfl.nu/jkst
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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  (763): I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down. http://tfl.nu/nif2
  Replies (7) Good night (403) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers

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  (402): I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers http://tfl.nu/eskp
  Replies (1) Good night (275) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt

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