Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.