I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.