I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.