So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!