Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At least life still wants to fuck me.