FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
