If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
