C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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