apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
