if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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