I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
