you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
