I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
