My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
