With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
