How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
