I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
