my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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