Cold hands, warm shart.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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