who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
