now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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