I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
