Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7647) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed http://tfl.nu/dxga
  Replies (20) Good night (4954) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (80) Good night (14093) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc
  Replies (34) Good night (1564) Bad night (3896)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice http://tfl.nu/ufj4
  Replies (7) Good night (2292) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven. http://tfl.nu/0uzd
  Replies (4) Good night (1960) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day. http://tfl.nu/o38r
  Replies (4) Good night (1890) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger http://tfl.nu/yrot
  Replies (9) Good night (2245) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

  (1-714): View more from California

  If he was naked that was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4618) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house? http://tfl.nu/uvha
  Replies (12) Good night (659) Bad night (1950)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5001) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them. http://tfl.nu/pe21
  Replies (9) Good night (2028) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy. http://tfl.nu/05b3
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix

  (760): View more from California

  THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix (760): THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE http://tfl.nu/hk7r
  Replies (5) Good night (1337) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die. http://tfl.nu/zxmz
  Replies (7) Good night (2323) Bad night (301)

Randomize