five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW