all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.