what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.