The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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