You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
