if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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