every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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