i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize