i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize