So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
