you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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