Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
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Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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